That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
