Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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