so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
