also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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