Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
