it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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