I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
