roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
