i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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