DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
