Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
