There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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