the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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