She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
