he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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