Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?

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(443): View more from Maryland

you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it

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(615): View more from Tennessee

It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.

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(224): View more from Illinois

I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".

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(847): View more from Illinois

Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?

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