Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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