I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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