go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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