one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
