the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
