problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
