I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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