Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
