Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
