She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
