cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my being single is dangerous.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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