What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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