I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I need a burrito and a hug.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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