Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
