Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
