It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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