Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
