I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
