home. puking in laundry basket.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I touched a dick in church today
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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