I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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