People in love make me want to vomit
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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