He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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