My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
