So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
