If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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