I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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