weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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