You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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