I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
