this beer tastes like vomit already
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
