I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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