I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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