My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
