I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
