you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
