Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
