im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize