I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
