That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
