Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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