it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
