I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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