soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
