why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
