i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
