Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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