I'm so fucking centered right now
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
