the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
