i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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