My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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